Mass Attendance

Mass attendance is a pretty simple mandate. Most parishes have multiple opportunities to fulfil the mandate, either in the parish or in an area faith community. I don't understand why people choose to skip Mass. It is a weekly chance to spend time with Jesus in the real presence of the Eucharist. It is an opportunity to hear the word of God and to hear the priest's interpretation of the words and how it applies to daily living.

Mass isn't just about the sacraments, or receiving those sacraments for the first time. It is so much more.

Meal Prayers

Prayer before meals is a staple at our house. We usually say the Catholic table grace. Dave, however, was raised with, what we call, a Lutheran table grace. There are times when we choose to say that prayer instead.

Personally, my preference is the Catholic table grace. It is the table grace my family used when I was a child. It reminds me of my grandparents, especially my father's mother.

There are prayers before every meal at our home, even if we aren't all together. There are prayers before breakfast, lunch and supper. There are prayers at home and prayers in restaurants and prayers at family homes. We have individual prayers and family prayers. We are thankful for the blessings we have been given and it is such a small way to remember Who provided everything we have.

My fear is the prayers become routine, habit and not heartfelt. It becomes meaningless when there are only words said. If there isn't thought and reflection tied to the pray, it is easy to get distracted from what the words mean. I will focus on being present in the moment of prayer.

Spending Time With Jesus

Spending time with Jesus was something I thought you did by yourself. It could be quiet time in reflective prayer. It could be reading a daily devotional. It could be in song. It might even be in a specific devotional, like Stations of the Cross. I never thought of finding Jesus in a conversation with another person.

On a monthly basis, I take communion to the hospital. One week a month, I share a week with another person. We take communion Monday through Saturday and offer it to whichever Catholics are currently hospitalized. This week, I had Thursday through Saturday. Thursday, there were no Catholics. Friday and Saturday, there was only one.

There are days where taking communion to the hospital can be very quick. I have had days where I have been in and out within a half an hour and have taken communion to three or four people. Occasionally, there are days where it takes a little longer, but most people aren't feeling well and aren't really in the mood to visit. They are comforted by the time in prayer, but they are not usually looking for a lot of extra conversation.

This weekend, I spent more than two hours at the hospital. I wasn't visiting with people I used to work with years ago. I didn't hang out in the cafeteria, people watching. I was spending time with one woman, in a CCU room. She is elderly, facing her own eventual passing, knowing it is closer than the beginning of her life.

Jesus sat with her in her recliner this weekend. Her absolute faith shone through in each of several conversations. Her life story hasn't been an easy one, but she speaks of walking with Jesus, and you can tell she has perfect belief her life has been spent walking with Him. It wasn't just talking, it was living.

She had said she felt she was a nobody, no one would remember her when she was gone. I will remember her, her and her walk with Jesus.

Discipline

Discipline always has a negative connotation in my mind. Discipline is the consequence of poor choices and bad behavior. Discipline is never good.

We attended the 5pm Mass tonight. Father Paul's homily focused on discipline. He reminded us that discipline isn't always a bad thing. Discipline is what helps us focus on eating healthy, exercising regularly, reading a daily devotional. Discipline is a practice to keep us doing what we should be doing when we should be doing it.

Father spoke of attending Mass on a weekly basis as a discipline. I had thought I was a rather undisciplined person, unfocused and not very structured in many ways. We are disciplined in our weekly attendance at Mass. I am disciplined in my daily devotionals. For this week, I will work on applying discipline to my life in other areas. I will work on a discipline of daily exercise. I am hoping with a better attitude, this will come easier.

Catholic Connection

Today, as I waited for my son to arrive back at school on the shuttle bus, I had the opportunity to listen to Lino Rulli (That Catholic Guy), as he played Catholic Connection with Father Jim. For those who are unfamiliar with the program, seven rounds are played. It begins with a sound. After the sound, both Lino and Father Jim have 30 seconds to draw a correlation between the sound and the Catholic faith.

Some of the sounds have a more obvious connection than others. Today's first sound was harp music. I thought it was going to be an easy afternoon for the two of them, but things got a little more challenging as time went on. The latter sounds included the bubbling of a scuba diver's air tank and the bottle rattling against a hard surface during a game of Spin the Bottle.

Some of the answers are funny. Others are thought provoking. Finally, some are just people grasping at straws as they try to connect some abstract thoughts to their Catholic faith.

Listening to the show tonight, I realized how important it is to connect our Catholic faith to our daily lives. The connection needs to be there in all areas of our lives so we are aware of how we behave and the attitudes we have. Those should reflect our Catholic faith, even in the smallest details.

Giving It Up To God

I am a control freak. I like to be in control of just about every facet of my life and I have a horrible, terrible time giving up that control to someone else. It is something I have worked on, and continually work on, but I am not feeling like I am succeeding currently.

Right now, life is tough. The economy is having a very direct impact on our business and I am watching long standing customers go out of business...without paying their bills. I have developed friendships with the title clerks that are losing their jobs. I have heard about their children, their dreams, their goals, their histories, and now, their fears. I am torn between worrying about them and worrying about how our business is going to survive another round of businesses going under and skipping out on bills.

I haven't been sleeping right. I dream about car titles. I dream about bills. I dream about employees, and not just mine. I realized tonight that while I am dreaming about all of the things I am worrying about, I haven't really turned them over to God yet. In my infinite need for control, I haven't been able to let go of the situation. Somehow, I feel I have to handle all of these stressors on my own, even though they are nowhere near anything I can actually control.

Tonight, I will pray for peace and rest. Tonight, I will give it to God. Tomorrow, I will give it to God again, since I am sure this is something that will be a work in progress. I will have to continue this on a daily basis until I actually accomplish the job.

Tonight, though, I also pray for all of those impacted by the tensions of the economic issues at the dealerships: for the title clerks, office managers, receptionists, finance people, sales people, custodial staff and mechanics. I pray for peace, for the ability to listen to God's call, and for re-employment.

Abraham and Isaac

My Bible study continued through another chapter in Genesis. The miracle of new life through the birth of Isaac has blessed Abraham and Sarah. In today's study, Abraham is faced with the challenge of offering his son in sacrifice. I cannot imagine the angst I would feel if I were presented by that challenge. How would you trust God enough to know you were making the correct decision? How, if you were Isaac, would you trust your father enough to allow him to bind you and place you on the altar?

The faith and trust is beyond my comprehension. What an amazing and awesome testimony!

Reading the Bible

I have never been a big reader of the Bible. I have used the Bible as a reference tool. If I have had questions on a particular subject, I haven't hesitated to turn to its pages. There is a recipe box on the windsill in my kitchen with a number of Bible verses that have a personal significance for me that I can review when I see fit. Once upon a time, I even had the books of the Bible memorized

I am a voracious reader of secular literature. I read magazines, books, flyers, the internet, just about anything I can get my hands on. I have read murder mystery, greyhound literature, true crime books, romance novels, suspense thrillers, and history.

Today, as I read the chapter in Genesis between today's reflection and tomorrow's, I realized I am not sure why I haven't been willing to sit down with my Bible and simply read it. Currently, I am ready about the love story between Sarah and Abraham. I have already read about Cain's murder of Abel and the genealogy from Adam to Noah. The Bible contains all of the elements of books I have been drawn to read before.

What Would You Do

I was listening to my IPod as I was cleaning the refrigerator this afternoon. I have quite a few cd's that have been saved to it, ranging from Gospel to Country to 50's and 60's Rock and Roll, along with quite a few podcasts from my favorite podcasters from SQPN.

I have probably heard those songs hundreds of times. Every time I am in the kitchen, I hit play. Sometimes I just play music. Other times, I listen to podcasts. Occasionally, I start at "A" and let them all play in alphabetical order.

Today, I started the music in the "W" section, with Waitin on a Woman, sung by Brad Paisley. It is one of my favorite songs. It is about an older man commiserating with a younger man about the joys of waiting for the woman of their life. It reminds me of Dave's grandparents, for some reason, even though I highly doubt Grandpa would have spoken about Grandma that way. I think it is because the lyrics portray a very real, very deep, very lasting love, that began in the morning of their lives and was now nearing the sunset.

What Would You Do (If Jesus Came to Your House) is the title of a song sung by Porter Wagoner. Obviously, in alphabetical order, it isn't that far behind Waitin on a Woman. Today it really caught my ear. The song runs through some scenarios of how people could or would react if Jesus showed up, knocking on their door one night.

The lyrics ask some tough questions about how you live and how acceptable it would be if Jesus actually did show up at dinnertime. Would you have to dig out your Bible? Would you need to change your normal dinner time conversation? Would it be hard to remember to say grace before the meal? And, possibly hardest of all, would you want Him to stay forever or would you feel a sense of relief when the door closed with Him on the other side?

So often, music is background noise, but there are definitely some valuable messages that can be learned when I truly listen. I don't see those positive messages quite so often in more modern music, but they are still there. The older country/gospel songs, though, have plenty of food for thoughts.

For tonight I will have to consider what I would do if Jesus knocked.

Have You Made a Difference?

We attended the 5pm Mass this evening. It was a very well attended Mass. The readings continued their focus on our Lenten journey, but are starting to bring us closer to the light of Christ's resurrection. Father challenged us, during his homily, to evaluate what we have done with our lives. He asked us to reflect on what we have done to make a positive impact on our surroundings. He reminded us action doesn't have to be on a global level or a national level, but it can, and should, be acts of mercy on a local level.

The question is, then, have you made a difference in your local community?

Incense

Several years ago, I had an aversion to incense. The scent, I thought, was heavy and cloying. It made the air too thick and made it difficult to breathe. I dreaded the scent of incense. At some point, I realized I put too much emphasis on what other people think and believe and didn't always trust my own judgment. When I opened myself up a little further, I realized it wasn't so much that I didn't like the incense, but it was someone I knew, loved and respected that didn't like incense. Because of that, I hadn't allowed myself to feel anything but comtempt for incense.

Tonight, at Stations of the Cross, I am again reminded of how my view point has been changed. The incense makes the devotional seem more reverent. It adds an atmosphere to the evening that cannot be captured through the prayers and songs on its own. There is a dimension added, a fullness.

Tonight, I give thanks for incense, the reverence it brings, and the Stations of the Cross I was able to experience this evening.

Rainbow Bridge

We have owned greyhounds for almost five years. Currently, we have our original boy, a girl we brought home two years later, her half brother we brought home last June and their mother, who came home last August. We have been involved with our adoption group's yahoo group and an online greyhound community since before our first guy came home.

I know most pet owners will grieve the loss of their pets, whether the death is a natural death at the end of a long life or if it comes suddenly as the result of accident or illness. The story of the Rainbow Bridge is often repeated. Even if the story isn't repeated in its entirety, many times people will speak of their pet going to "The Bridge", including us, when the pet dies.

The story of the Rainbow Bridge is very touching. I am attaching a link to the Wikipedia page that explains the history of it. (Rainbow Bridge) I want to believe it exists. I want to believe there is a golden lab/German Shepherd mix, a Scottie, a Westie, and several cats frolicking in the sun, rolling in the grass, chasing each other around, waiting for us to arrive at the Rainbow Bridge, so we can cross over together into heaven.

We won't know what is there until the time comes when we pass from this life, but as much as I want to believe in the fantasy, I know in my heart of hearts this isn't the reality that is waiting.

Inferior or Inspired?

Today is Day 4 of the devotional I am doing with the Catholic Woman's Devotional Bible. The reading today was the story of Cain and Abel. From a parent's perspective, it always strikes me as almost humorous, in a sad sort of way, when Cain says to God, "Am I my brother's keeper?" God, as our heavenly Father, even without being an all knowing Father, would have seen right through that. Cain might have thought he had the upper hand for just a moment, but any parent worth their salt knows when their child is lying to them, and he couldn't have been any more obvious unless he had confessed outright.

The devotional portion today was focused on the jealousy Cain felt because God preferred Abel's offering. The story that went along with it was about a group of women who attended a quilt show. They were quilters themselves, but not necessarily of the caliber of the quilters whose pieces were being displayed. One woman, while looking at a particularly well done quilt, asked the others if looking at the pieces made them feel inferior because their work wasn't the same quality or inspired to bring their work up to the same level.

That is a difficult question for many people, I am sure. I know, personally, there are times where I might feel inferior and other times where I might feel inspired, depending on what it is and where I am in my life. People around me often inspire me in spiritual ways. There is a woman in our parish who seemingly does it all. Not only that, she has a humble bearing and quiet demeanor which comes through in everything I have ever seen her do at Church. She inspires me to be more like her in her reverence and her willingness to serve.

Then there is the woman from Church who accomplishes most of what she does through serving. She is a leader and a strong woman, but primarily works on more humble tasks. She inspires me to do what needs to be done.

In almost all matters parenting and wifely, I find myself struggling with feeling inferior to others. I don't feel inspired to do more or do differently when I hear the stories of successful wives and mothers. I see the imaginary measuring stick where I am falling short.

For today, I will look for inspiration in my roles, both as wife and mother, rather than feeling inferior when I hear the stories of others who do more, or better, or are better organized or who keep a better home or prepare better meals.

Communication in Prayer

As I have posted about previously, Father Sam had asked us previously to say a Hail Mary for him each day. As part of our morning prayers, we have been including a Hail Mary for Father Sam. Our normal routine includes prayers for people we know who are in need of God's touch in their lives.

This morning, after morning prayer, our oldest asked if there was something wrong with Father Sam. After we assured him Father was fine, we explained Father's request for a Hail Mary. He was relieved Father was ok, especially considering two other priests from our diocese passed away earlier this week.

I, however, learned it is important to communicate why we are praying what we are praying if we are praying in a group, even if it is a family prayer.

Stations of the Cross and Benediction

We arrived for Benediction tonight. Typically, Adoration ends with the Rosary. Tonight, though, it ended with Stations of the Cross. It was beautiful. Ending the day with my favorite devotional, in the presence of Jesus, was even more amazing than our Friday night Stations of the Cross. I don't know if this was something different tonight or a different approach because it is Lent, but we will definitely have to go back again next week.

Benediction, tonight!

Last week, due to inclement weather, Adoration was suspended early. We still spent about 20 minutes at the Church, praying as a family, before we went home for the night. It was good to come together as a family in prayer at Church without another reason to be there. It is a different feel to pray in the quiet of the Church, without all the busy preparations for the Mass going on around me.

Tonight, we go back, as a family. This will be the first time CD will have experienced Benediction. Our oldest has been to Benediction one time before. This afternoon, after supper, we will gather our rosaries, some prayer material, and go to the Church. I am looking forward to it already.

Starting a New Devotional

The Catholic Women's Devotional Bible begins the devotions on a Monday. I am relieved it doesn't begin on a certain date. I only had to wait a few days from the day I knew it was time to re-start until the day when I could begin at the beginning.

Today, I begin at the beginning, the beginning of all. The opening reflection is on the seven days of Creation, and the breathing in of Life God did for the world at that time. The reflection compares the life saving act we perform through CPR with the Life God gave to us at the very beginning. It was a comparison I hadn't considered. What CPR does is nothing, in actuality, compared to God's creation of the world, but it is a real life comparison that gives us an opportunity to see God in action the way He has been since the beginning of time.

I felt peace today, really, for the first time since Saturday. It came today with the reading of the Bible.

Stations of the Cross, Take Two

I found the link to a wonderful Stations of the Cross devotion on another blog this morning. I have been looking for something I could use as a devotional at home for the Stations of the cross and I think this will be just the devotional. We have one recorded and saved on our TiVO, but that isn't terribly convenient for using in other areas of the house.

Here it is, in case you wanted to see it as well:
Stations of the Cross

Thank you to John Jansen, at Catholic Dads,
(Catholic Dads), for the link!

Peace Through Prayer

It is 4am. I haven't yet been able to sleep tonight. Yesterday was an unsettling day. The kind of day one hopes to have rarely, if ever. It was a day that should have been good. It was the end of the year basketball potluck and award ceremony. I quoted four car deals for three separate dealers, two of whom even pay upfront. I closed two files in the office, not bad for a Saturday. We slept in as a family. I had a wonderful love letter from my husband. It was my birthday.

The day didn't end on a high note, though. Tonight, I struggle to turn it over to God in prayer. I feel my mind racing ahead when I try to slow down to speak with God. I can't quite focus on what I want to say, or what I want, or what I am really thinking. I feel used, but maybe I should feel peace I am able to be used as a connector. I feel second in my family, which was driven home by a number of points and people this weekend, but maybe I should feel being second is a reminder of how we need to live our lives with another as the primary focus. Maybe this weekend is a humbling event, designed to bring me closer to God.

Or maybe, this just sucks.

Either way, I am struggling with my inability to find peace in prayer tonight. Usually, it is a comforting balm. Even if I don't feel a solution is forthcoming or the situation is going to get better any time soon, I usually feel a peace at making a connection with God. Tonight, I can't even remember all of the Mysteries of the Rosary and would rather not be up, wandering the house and disturbing others to get the booklet from the prayer table with all of the Mysteries. So, here I am, sitting at a laptop in the dark of my bedroom, listening to my husband breathe, scratching a dog or two's years from time to time, waiting for the alarm to go off so we can get ready to go to Mass. Maybe there, I will catch up to God for our conversation.

Daily Devotionals, Take Three

We have been continuing our Lenten Daily Devotional. Today, our youngest asked if he could do the reading. The discussion topic was about Oedipus. The words were a little challenging considering the subject matter, but he did a great job. I am happy to see him taking an active role in living our faith as a family rather than merely "suffering" through the experience.

Thank you, Lord, for touching his heart and drawing him closer to You.

An AHA Moment!

In an earlier post, I had talked about looking for a daily devotional that would be spiritually fulfilling. Yesterday, I was using my Catholic Women's Devotional Bible for some research on Purgatory. A random thought sprang into my mind about someone I know who started her introduction to Bible reading by reading a chapter of Proverbs every day for a month, then repeating the next month since Proverbs has 31 chapters. Then, I had my Aha! moment.

It is a Catholic Women's Devotional Bible. The Bible study begins in Genesis, on a Monday. The daily study takes you all the way through the Bible in about a year.

I think I just found my devotional.

Purgatory, a Cleansing Fire

Purgatory has been a topic of conversation I have been more aware of this Lenten season than I have in any past year. It came up at our Lenten retreat last week. There have been articles in the papers. Today, I listened to Lino, The Catholic Guy, and it was one of their topic areas.

Frankly, Purgatory has been a foreign concept to me. It was briefly mentioned in a college course when I was a freshmen. The professor was talking about the Irish Potato Famine and a woman's fear of dying and spending an eternity in Purgatory. That was the last I really ever heard of Purgatory until more than a decade later.

At the Lenten retreat, the focus was on the Seven Deadly Sins. The discussion centered on Dante's interpretation of the seven layers of Purgatory, with Pride being the foundation and working its way up to the top of the Seven Deadly Sins, Lust. It has provided the motivation for a more in-depth look into what Purgatory is and what it means to me, as a Catholic.

I spent some time with my Bible. There are two primary references to purgatory, even though it is never named as "Purgatory" in any Scripture. The first is in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 3, verse 15: "If the work is burned up, the builder will suffer loss; the builder will be saved, but only as through fire." Fire can destroy anything in its path. At the same time, metal having gone through fire is stronger.

The second is from 1 Peter, Chapter 1, verse 7: "so that the genuineness of your faith- being more precious than gold that, though perishable, is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

Lino Rulli mentioned there is a third reference, which is not found in the King James Bible. It is in 2 Maccabees. I will need to spend some time in reflection, prayer, and reading since I missed the actual reference.

When I started this reflection, I thought of Purgatory as something to fear. With what I have read so far, I am not sure fear is the right word. Definitely, Purgatory is something that should be respected. However, if fire is what tests us and brings us closer to God, it should be more of an ideal. After all, as best as we know, we do not descend from Purgatory in to Hell. We do ascend from Purgatory to Heaven, though. It is only a passing through place to a greater ending.

Mysterious Ways

I got up this morning with a set plan for my life. AM routine, kids ready for school, morning prayer, kids to school, downtime, office, Soup and Sermon at 11:45, meeting at 1, finish up in the office, supper, evening routine, teach Faith Formation, drop off my vehicle for an oil change, and then home for homework and then bed. That is not how the day panned out.

CD had a little incident on the ski slopes last Saturday. He was hit in the head by a ski that flew off someone's boot when they wiped out. He has been dealing with some headaches and memory issues which are increasing in frequency and severity rather than decreasing.

I had the second call on a school day in the early morning class hours looking for feedback on a headache which had already been treated by an over the counter medication. I contacted his doctor, who ordered a CT Scan...in fifteen minutes. He was in school ten minutes away in the opposite direction. I asked them to call the scheduler and let them know we would be there as soon as possible and I left to pick him up.

Instead of Soup and Sermon, we had a quick trip from school to hospital. I called one of my Emmaus Sisters and asked her to send out a prayer request. By the time CD was registered, Emmaus women were already praying for him.

CD was sent back to school, per the doctor's authorization. On the way back to to town, I spoke with someone who was bringing the Eucharist to the hospital this week. She needed a sub to fill in for her. Instead of Soup and Sermon for my own benefit, I was able to bring the Eucharist to several people at our local hospital.

Today did not go as I had planned. I was disappointed I was going to miss my own participation in some annual Lenten traditions for our parish. In the long run, though, the Lord met my spiritual needs, even if it wasn't what I had originally thought it should be.

Missed Adoration

Our parish hosts Adoration every Tuesday. Benediction is usually at 7:40 pm. We are in the midst of a winter storm tonight, but a change of schedule wasn't announced on our local radio station's cancellation list. We headed out for a quick trip to Wal-Mart to pick up some pictures we had developed and then headed over to the Church.

On the way, CD and I discussed what to expect, since he had never been there before. He was pretty excited as we headed up the front steps. We ducked out of the snow into the back of the Church, the back of the dark Church.

Candles were still lit on the alter. The book was open on the altar. It was quiet. The monstrance had already been retired. As a family, we knelt in the front pew. Each of us were lost in our own quiet, reflective prayer. Even though Adoration was over for the day, it was nice to pray quietly, as a family.

As we left the Church, CD asked if we could come to the Church anytime, and pray like that. I think we will be back for Benediction next week.

Prayer Table

In our living room is a prayer table. It holds my Catholic Woman's Devotional Bible, my grandmother's missile, a ceramic representation of the Last Supper, my rosary, and several devotional books. There is also a beautiful picture of Jesus, which I received on my Emmaus retreat. Dave's candle from his Emmaus retreat is next to the picture.

Prior to my Emmaus, a prayer table was a foreign concept. I had never heard of it, would never have considered it. I wasn't opposed to it, just unfamiliar.

When I first came home from Emmaus, we put together the first table immediately. Our family spent a fair amount of time, individually, using it. Study sheets and coloring pages were there for the boys. Over time, however, our living room saw less and less use. With fewer people in and out of the room, it became easier to forget the prayer table was there.

This winter, we had the remodeling finished on the main floor of the house. With that, we have resumed our use of the upstairs living room. Our prayer table is back, and I am grateful. It has only been here again two days, but I have already stopped, on each day, during the chaos of the day, to speak with Jesus. To finish the area, we are going to bring out Dave's Grandmother's holy water font and move our crucifix to be over the table. In the overall scope of what the table means, these are minor details. It just feels so good to have it back.

Left Hand

Through the course of Lent, we are admonished to keep our charitable donations to ourselves, to keep our volunteering quiet, to ensure the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. We are encouraged to continue our alms giving during Lent. We are just not supposed to advertise what we are doing or what we are giving.

There are many small things that happen in a parish on a day to day basis, which really aren't so small. There are the decorations and flowers that appear on a weekly basis. There are the prayer books and Lenten reminders that have been placed at the back of Church. Then, there are the garments given to each infant at baptism.

For more than fifteen years, each of the white garments given to the baptised of our parish was sewn by one woman. Any time more were needed, a single phone call brought another 25 to the parish office. Up until tonight, I had never thought about how those garments arrived at Church. I knew someone made them, but not who. Tonight, at Mass, the funeral arrangements were announced for her. Father spoke glowingly of her and how she will be missed. She hadn't been named in any Mass I can think of prior to this. She was truly an example of the left hand not knowing what the right hand was doing.

May she rest in peace.

My Grandma

Evelyn I. Murphy passed from this life to the next on 3/19/90. It is hard to believe it has been almost 19 years since she left. I have spent more of my life without her physical presence than I did with her physically present in my life. She was not able to be here for my confirmation in the Catholic Church at 19. She was not here for my wedding at 21, or the births of my sons at 22 and 23. However, there is a piece of her that will always be with me, no matter where I am or what I do.

Both of my parents were born, baptized, confirmed and married as Catholics. They left the Catholic Church when I was 8, immediately before I would have received my first communion. They joined the Methodist Church within a year of their departure from the Catholic Church and, as their daughter, I went with them. I was confirmed as a Methodist when I was in 7th grade. There is a picture of two of us, in front of my mother's flower garden, that day. She was telling me she would be with me again when I was confirmed the next time, in the right Church. It was many years later before I ever told anyone that story. I am pretty sure my mother would have been less than pleased by my grandmother's interference. Ultimately, it wasn't my grandmother's decision to make.

God led me back, officially, to the Catholic Church when I was a senior in High School. I was confirmed when I was a freshman in college. I felt like I had finally come home.

Most of Grandma's religious effects have come to me, since I am the only Catholic left. None of her children are Catholic. I am the only one of their children who is Catholic. I have her prayer cards, her rosary, her missile. Today, as we were re-assembling our living room post remodeling, I opened her missile. After nineteen years, it still smells like her.

I miss her so much right now I physically ache. I have an empty feeling in my chest, where my heart is. I am not sure why it is hitting so hard today. In the past, I have opened it deliberately, just to breathe in the smell of her, and remember: to remember the sound of her laugh, the praying hands on her dresser, the clip on earrings she wore, the way she hugged. Today, I wish I could talk to her. Today, I wish I could ask her advice and get her feedback. Today, I wish I had older family members who were Catholic, who I could discuss parenting questions and joys with, but my parents are not Catholic. They would not appreciate some of the stories I have to share the same way another Catholic would.

I miss you, Dun Grandma.

Daily Devotionals, Take Two

Friday morning, our daily devotional book was missing. We did our regular morning prayer, but left the devotional prayer for the evening.

We had a busy evening. Our oldest had basketball practice and Dave had a dinner with his co-workers. The boys and I went to Stations of the Cross. Then, they needed to prepare for their skiing trip the next morning. It was after ten by the time everyone was done with what needed to be done.

The boys were off to bed and Dave and I were talking about the day. Christian appeared at our bedroom door. He was concerned because we hadn't completed our daily devotional yet. It took a few minutes to hunt down the devotional book, but we found it. We finished the devotional before bed. He went to bed at peace.

I am thankful to have children with a sense of their own faith and who bear a responsibility for living that faith.

Stations of the Cross

My favorite devotional is to pray the Stations of the Cross. The Stations of the Cross are prayed every Friday evening in our parish during Lent. As a family, we attend every Friday night. We were also blessed with a Stations of the Cross devotional at our Wednesday night Faith Formation class.

It opens with the African American spiritual "Were You There?" All three verses are sung reverently. We move into the first of fourteen stations. There is an opening prayer, responsorial, scripture discussion, two reflections, another responsorial and then a final prayer. This is repeated for each of the following thirteen stations. After the final station, we celebrate the Eucharist. The evening closes with singing "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."

The feeling of peace I have carries over into the next day and beyond. I almost don't want to leave the Church when it is over.

This year, we challenged our second grade faith formation students to attend at least one of the Stations of the Cross devotionals. We have more than twenty students in our class. Our first one has attended this week's devotional. I am curious to see how many will make it before Lent is over.

Blessings Bestowed by the Lord

Today, the devotional from Extraordinary Lives Stories and Reflections for Lent, by Fr. Thomas Connery, was about fairness. He reminds us God promises grace, God doesn't promise fairness. The reflection question for today was to list five blessings the Lord has bestowed on me. I thought it would be easy, but it isn't. I have received so many blessings, it will be hard to limit it to five.

Five blessings as bestowed upon me by the Lord:

1. My family, both the family I live with and my family of origin.
2. My friends.
3. Steady employment for both Dave and I during tough economic times.
4. My needs are met. I have a roof over my head, food in the pantry, the heat and the electricity are on.
5. Good health for myself and my family.

Evolving Prayer Life

Our family is following a daily Lenten devotional that we found at our favorite religious store, Hurley's, in Sioux Falls. Our Church made available to the parishioners another devotional. I have been praying it on my own. Today's reflection was about prayer and how it changes from childhood through adulthood.

When I was a little girl, bedtime prayers were an everyday fact of life. "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, but if I die before I wake, I pray to God my soul to take." In retrospect, that is a kind of frightening prayer. It covers all the bases. You ask to continue life, but, just in case, you ask to be cared for in death. I never put much thought into those rote words, I just recited them like a dutiful child, along with my lengthy list of "God bless Mommy, Daddy, Debi, Grandma, Grandpa, Dun Grandma, and keep Laurie safe and bring her home." I had forgotten that, but my cousin had run away from home several times. Every time she was gone, we prayed for her to come home safe and sound. God protected and brought her home every time.

Every family meal was preceded by the Catholic table grace, even after we joined the Methodist Church. We always sat in exactly the same places around the table, heads down, hands folded. These prayers were only at home. We did not pray when we traveled to family. We did not pray in restaurants.

As time passed, bedtime prayers, faded. Meal time prayers continued until I was in high school. After my parents divorced, I don't remember them as often, but I know they still happened at least occasionally.

Today, we pray before all family meals. Most of the time it is the Catholic table grace. Sometimes, we pray the table prayer Dave grew up with in his Lutheran home. We pray at home. We pray at Grandma's house. We pray in restaurants. We hold hands and pray together.

We pray every school day before the boys leave on the bus and Dave leaves for work. We pray in thanksgiving to the blessings we have had in the day. We pray to be kept safe and brought home together each night. We pray for our friends and family who are in need of God's touch.

We pray regularly to St. Anthony, since we seem to lose things on a regular basis. We ask for guidance on where to look. When we locate the missing object, we pray again, in thanksgiving for the assistance we received.

Currently, we are praying a Lenten devotional. The boys seem interested. The publisher has other devotionals for other seasons in the year. This may be something we continue once Lent has transitioned into Easter.

We pray the rosary, but not as consistently as we should. I have fond memories of praying the rosary with my best friend's family when I was a little girl. On Saturday evenings, after supper, everyone went to the living room. Everyone knelt on the floor, facing a a piece of furniture. If you did not have a rosary with you, which I never did since I was a Methodist, you used your finger rosary. Mrs. Haberman told me the reason God gave us ten fingers was so we would have enough for each Hail Mary of each decade of the rosary.

I pray the daily readings from the Saint of the Day books. I speak with God in silent prayer, spoken prayer and in song. I thought I didn't pray much, but in reflecting today, I realize I spend more time in prayer than I had actively thought I did.

I was given a solid prayer background by both my parents and Mrs. Haberman. My prayer today is that we will give our children a similar base to develop their own personal prayer relationship with Jesus.

Soup and Sermon

During the Lenten season, our local community has a tradition of soup and sermon on a weekly basis. It is housed at our Church, but the churches in our town host it on a rotating basis. This week, the Wesley United Methodist Church was the host. Tables of eight enjoy a soup and cracker lunch prior to the pastor of the host church giving a twenty minute talk with a Lenten theme. There is an opportunity for fellowship with other Christians of other denominations during the lunch.

I have been looking for a Lenten enrichment opportunity. For all of the years we have lived in the parish, I have thought I should go, but never took the time or made the effort. This year, I vowed would be the year I would make it to just one.

This week was the one week I was sure I would make it to there. The phone rang just before I was supposed to walk out the door. By the time I hung up and drove over, it was almost noon. They start serving the soup at 11:45 and the sermon begins at 12:05. Almost noon was still ahead of the speaker, though, so I was in the right place at the right time.

The speaker was very inspirational. His talk was about unconditional love. The most impacting part, though, was when he spoke about God's favorite person. He said the person to our left was God's favorite person. Then he said the person to our right was God's favorite person. And then, he said the person between the one on the right and the one on the left was God's favorite person. He reminded us that each one of us was why Jesus sacrificed his life on the cross. It wasn't to save some random person, but it was to save his favorite person, and that is each of us.

It was powerful and motivational. I left Soup and Sermon with a feeling of peace, and of hope, and of greater respect for God's favorite person. I don't think this will be my last Soup and Sermon this Lenten season.

A Mission in Life

One of the lessons I took out of yesterday's Lenten Retreat is an awareness of a need for a spiritual mission in life. I have thought before about what my mission might be or the direction I should be taking in order to fulfil God's expectations for me. In searching for my mission, I have touched a lot of areas of our Church life. I teach Faith Formation to second graders in our parish. I bring the Eucharist to the hospital. I am working on several committees within the parish. Each of these bring a certain level of peace, but I don't know that any one of these is truly the mission I am being called to by God.

We questioned how we should find out what our mission from God would be. Father makes it sound so easy. He said we should pray about it, ask God what he wants us to do, and be open to following His direction. I know God answers prayers. I know God gives us direction as to where He wants us to go and how He wants us to behave. Right now, I find I am having difficulty trusting my understanding of the direction I think God wants me to go. I have prayed about each of the decisions I have made regarding my involvement with the Church. I don't feel I have gone against what God wants me to do, but I don't know I have followed the way I am being led.

Obviously, this can only mean I need to spend more time in prayer and meditation. One thought I keep coming back to, which most likely means it should be a starting point for my meditation, was the comment from one of my round table counterparts stating motherhood can be a mission. Nurturing a Catholic family is an important mission that is often neglected. Does this mean I have spent too much time focused away from our home? Am I neglecting my responsibility to my family? Am I ignoring my true mission from God?

Our Father

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen."

This morning, we did our daily Lenten devotional before the boys left for school. Today's suggested penance is a ten minute reflection on the Our Father. We are to more fully examine what the prayer says and means, rather than merely reciting it without thought.

The commentary this morning gave us background information about the prayer. It analysed the prayer. It talked of the opening of the prayer which glorifies God. It also explained how the prayer covers our requests for his daily assistance. Finally, we read we should be praying the Our Father three times daily. We should pray it in the morning, in the evening and during Daily Mass.

At this point, I don't feel Daily Mass is going to be a daily reality for me. Currently, I attend Daily Mass one Monday a month. In time, I am sure this number will grow, but that is not my reality right now. This means, I would need to say an Our Father at another time of the day, if I follow the three times a day, like the devotional suggested. I will need to do some research to verify how to proceed, to ensure I am following the intent. For now, though, I will need to add the Our Father to my morning and evening prayers.

After the boys left this morning, I went upstairs to finish getting ready for the day. The television was on and Daily Mass was playing on EWTN. I arrived in the midst of Father Frank Pavone's homily. The focus was on the Our Father. I hit the rewind button on the Tivo and found the Gospel is from Mark, where we are given the Our Father prayer. Then, I was able to see the homily from the beginning. I now have a different perspective on this beautiful petition. I will dare to pray the Our Father two more times today. Tonight, I will watch this homily again, this time with the boys so they can see Father Pavone's explanation of the Gospel and how it relates to us in our daily lives.

The Seven Deadly Sins

We had a Lenten retreat following daily Mass today. The focus was on the Seven Deadly Sins and the accompanying Seven Heavenly Virtues. Because of time constraints, we were only able to go through three of the deadly sins and their corresponding virtues. At some point, I would be interested in a more thorough examination of the study. The conversations were enlightening and I feel like I learned a great deal in the few hours I spent with the other parishioners attending the retreat.

The seven deadly sins and their virtues are listed below:

Pride and Humility
Envy and Kindness
Anger and Patience
Sloth and Zeal
Avarice and Liberality
Gluttony and Abstinence
Lust and Chastity

Pray for Me

Father Sam was the pastoral assistant at our parish several years ago already. He has an obvious devotion to our Blessed Mother. He always includes a heartfelt prayer, asking the Blessed Mother to pray for us as a congregation.

During one of his homilies, he asked everyone in attendance to say a Hail Mary for him every day. It sounds like an easy request, one that could almost be accomplished in my sleep. When I think back over those several years, there have been way more days where I didn't say a Hail Mary for him. Regularly, I think I need to correct this problem and almost as quickly, I forget again.

Today, I begin again. For Father Sam,

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen."

The Desert

We attended the Mass at our local Campus Religious Center this evening. The presiding priest has been in our area for about a year. He had a long and varied career before his arrival here. Tonight's homily was about Jesus' time in the desert. He spoke about his own time in the desert in Israel, back when he as in college.

The desert is full of arduous terrain and wild animals, capable of killing and eating a person without hesitation. It has abrasive sands and scorching heat, even in the spring. The desert is silent. It is a place where you are alone with yourself. Going there is an opportunity to get to know yourself better, more intimately.

While the desert is hot and sandy in actuality, many of us have our own deserts which are not so literal. They are desolate regions within ourselves. They are dry and barren with random oasis of faith and connection to those around us. The silence in our deserts can be overwhelming. The opportunity to communicate with God is available to us while we are in our desserts, but sometimes the sheer act of survival is too much for us to handle without imposing the additional burden of examining ourselves and why we are in our desert.

The desert is different for everyone. This season of Lent gives each of us the opportunity to walk in our own desert with our Lord. It is a 40 day journey of temptations, greater communications, closer self-examination and hope for the future.

Lord, I ask to feel your presence through these 40 days. Help me to see you in the silence of my prayers. Let me feel your guindance in my daily activities. Lead me in ways that will draw me closer to you while accomplishing what you have laid out before me. In Jesus name I pray, Amen!