Reflections on a Catholic Wife

It is hard to believe it has been almost 15 years since Dave and I became engaged one brisk March Minnesota afternoon. I was 19, and a practicing Catholic. He was 24 and a non-practicing Lutheran. Other than planning to marry in a Catholic Church, religion did not really play a role in our life together. We had already been going our own ways for a year and it had all worked out so far. I do not think either of us thought there would be a need for that to change.

A decade and a half will have passed the first week of March. Since the beginning, our lives have gone through phenomenal changes, in ways neither of us ever expected. We have two wonderful sons, both rapidly approaching the teenage years. We have buried both of Dave's parents and all three of his grandparents that were living at the time we were married. We live in the second house we purchased together. We started a business. Dave has gone through two significant job changes. Most surprising, though, considering our feelings when we got engaged, is our entire family are active, involved members of our Catholic Church.

My faith journey, and how our family found its way to unity in the Catholic Church, are for another post. Today is about reflection. I feel such awe when I think of the miracles Jesus Christ has worked in our lives. If we had continued our "seperate but equal" approach to religion, I don't believe we would be where we are today as a family. As long as we had our own religion, which we handled on our own, we never had to have the tough discussions about beliefs. We never challenged each other about why we did what we did or believed what we believed. We didn't discuss how I went to Mass alone or how Dave skipped Church entirely, or how either of those decisions would impact our future children.

It has been five years since we decided to take an active role in the Catholic faith, and to attempt to live our lives as we should as Catholics. It has been four years, at Easter, since Dave completed the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) program and entered into full communion with the Catholic Church. It has been three years since our last child received the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist for the first time. My only regret is it took us so long to get there. However, I believe everything happens for a reason. If we hadn't experienced life outside of the Catholic Church, we never would have been able to appreciate the differences we experience now.

My role in our marriage has changed. For the first ten years we were together, I did my own thing. I made my own decisions, typically without consulting Dave. It started with decisions about Church. It didn't stop there, though. As long as we weren't discussing Mass, we didn't discuss the grocery shopping I would do on the way home. Then, we wouldn't discuss menu planning or cooking, because we didn't need to since I did the grocery shopping. As you can see, the ripple effect started simply by not discussing Church spread throughout our lives. We were not on the same page on anything, especially in the last year before we changed our faith direction.

Today, we discuss everything, sometimes in way more detail than is really necessary. My role has evolved. I now see myself more as part of a married unit and less as just an individual. This does not diminish who I am. I still have my own likes and dislikes, my own preferences, my own successes and my own failings. Instead of thinking of myself first, though, I think of us. It has been a gradual shift. I recognize it more in retrospect than I do in day to day living. I am more than okay with this shift. It has brought me peace. It is an awesome feeling to know I am yoked with someone, pulling together for a common purpose, instead of having to do all of the work on my own. For that person to be Dave, after all these years, still has the ability to give me goosebumps.

In order for us to get here, we were blessed by our parish priest. He gave of his time and of himself, to help us along our path. Through him, we were given a new appreciation for the gifts God gives us through his Sacraments. This blog will give me a chance to prayerfully reflect on those gifts and how I show my appreciation for them.